A Shout Out to My Dad

Can I just say that my dad is awesome. I am so grateful that I've had the chance to be his daughter. He is a man of many talents which he generously shared with me. He spent evenings playing catch, pitching or hitting pop flies for me during my softball days. He is brilliant in many areas like church history, math, journaling, wood working, gardening, laundry and ironing, electrical work, to be a hard worker and so much more.

About 5 years ago, my dad noticed some weakness in his shoulders when he was helping my sister with a project. It progressed throughout his whole body. After years of testing, they've finally decided that he has Lou Gehrig's or ALS. Watching my dad struggle with tasks that used to be so easy is one of the hardest things I've had to do. It tugs at my heart when I watch him struggle to stand and walk. He can't sleep lying down anymore so he sleeps in his office chair. I can't imagine it's comfortable at all.

The amazing thing to me is that he doesn't let it get the best of him. Don't get me wrong, he has good and bad days and he'll cuss when he's frustrated but he is still the wonderful person who I had the opportunity to grow up with.

I was pitching the baseball for Calvin the other day and I was remembering how happy it made me feel when he would spend this time with me. I have a journal that he wrote in when I was little. The stories are hilarious, priceless and I feel so lucky that he took the time to write them down. The best thing about this is that it makes me want to spend good quality time with my kids. I want them to remember and feel loved by me like I have felt with my dad. I want them to know him and to know that he loves them. I talk to them about him and the things that he did for me.

Grandma Kim

So today my little friend, Tae, came over to hang out with me. She always comes in and shows me her shoes, hair, dress or anything she's excited about. She loves to play with the puzzles, dolls, ponies, and to have a bowl of cereal. I love that she wants to come. She'll come even when all the kids are at school or at their friends houses. I love the conversations we have. She tells me about her baby brother, that he only eats milk and his name is Chase. She is so proud of herself because she can use the potty like Paige. She's an open book therefore I get to hear all about her family and friends. She is a dollie!!!

Brian made the comment that I'm "like" her grandma. She can come and play, eat treats, get spoiled, etc...the funny things is he's right. Who wouldn't want to be her grandma. She is so darn cute and I love that my kids will play with her. Calvin likes to give her his treats in Sacrament Meeting. He gives her his whole baggie of cereal and gets the books out for her. He's like an uncle to her. Brooklyn is great to play with her also. She'll take her around the house and gets whatever Tae wants. Brian likes to ask her lots of questions like "does your baby eat cereal with marshmallows for breakfast?" She looks at him like he's nuts and then says "no, he only eats milk." Brian also loves to show her magic tricks. She giggles and tries to do them herself. Any who, she is too much fun and I heart her so.

Croy

My amazing friend, Jen, took pictures for me when Croy was 13 days old. I almost called and cancelled that morning. Hormones are to blame of course. I was struggling to even get out the door with Croy let alone have my kids looking great. She is fantastic and so much fun to work with. She has a gift for picture taking and I am so grateful to have pictures by her. Check her out http://www.fausetphotography.com/

Thank you, Jen!!

Why Now??

I feel like I have been through a war. I've been told not to touch my brand new baby, that I can't hold him, that he's being life flighted to the U, watched him being sedated and vented, watched his lifelessly sedated body vibrate in his bed at 450 breaths per minute, poked hundreds of times with needles, and so on....(life in the hossy). I've been able to be strong, keep my emotions under control until today. My daughter was helping me return dishes to the neighbors when she dropped a dish. I lost all control of my emotions. Bawled like a baby over a dish (so so sorry Emily:(. She didn't mean to drop it. I know she didn't but it was the straw that broke the camels back. Uggg...I'm going back to bed.

He's finally home :)

I was absolutely sure they were going to make us stay another day when the attending Dr. during rounds said that there was no reason why we couldn't go home. I wanted to jump up and hug him but I was too tired and trying not to burst into tears.

We had to pass off infant CPR and watch videos on SIDS and Shaken baby syndrome before we could go home. Croy also had to pass the car seat test. He had to sit in his car seat for the amount of time that it takes to drive home and not have any a's and b's(breathing problems) during that time. A few more blood tests and instructions then we were clear to dress him and bring him home. It's wonderful to be home and together.

The proud papa

Ah, I love him!!
He's tiny in that car seat
Brooklyn loves to take care of him.
The big proud brother:)

All the rage...

I can't believe how fast Croy is recovering from everything. Everyday brings less wires and more great news.

(He is practically glowing)

His bilirubin levels were high enough that he is sporting the lastest shade of yellow. Two sets of light and a bili blanket from underneath and voila, he's turning into a pink babe again. Except for his diaper area. It's the opposite of a tan. He's still yellow everywhere his diaper is.

Interesting tidbit, the bili lights only work on the effects of his levels being high. Yes, it helps his skin return to a normal color but it doesn't cure the high levels. It doesn't get deep enough into their bodies to affect the blood vessels. He has to "mess" his pants to clear it out. They kept him under the lights an extra day because his body would look like it rebounded due to the blood still pushing the bili out to his skin.

He didn't love the new look. He kept pushing himself out of the light and pulling off the Oakley's.

Can you blame him? Me either:)

Graduation Day

Croy had a big day yesterday. He was taken out of the lights and put into a crib with clothes and blankets. He also came off the oxygen and is maintaining his oxygen levels on room air. They also discontinued his TPN (food fed through an IV) and he is feasting on milk through his NG tube until he can figure out how to eat on his own. He is working very hard at learning the cues his body naturally gives him. Tomorrow will be his last day of antibiotics and then the IV comes out permanently. They have stuck him so many times that when they rub around his hands and feet for a new vein he starts crying. He knows what's coming. Very sad:(

I'm getting so excited to be able to bring him home soon. I can almost imagine what it will be like to snuggle and cuddle all day and night without having to say goodbye.

Patience is a virtue that I haven't quite mastered. I'll be eternally working on it. ;)

Quick Update

Croy was taken off the ventlator this afternoon. He was so tired he didn't even cry. He just looked at us for a few minutes and slept the rest of the day.

They moved him to another room out of the critical care/admitance room. He didn't budge the whole ride across the floor.

They put a ng tube through his nose and into his stomach. He didn't like having that done. He pushed his little body out of his snuggled resting spot and then fell fast asleep after they gave him his first feeding of 1&1/2 tsp of milk. Now we start teaching him to eat in order to come home in hopefully a week.