What should I do?

I'm at a complete loss! Poor Calvin has been through so much. I'll start at the beginning.

This little guy has had it rough from the start. As an infant, he cried and cried and cried. The nurses at the hospital gave him back to me in the middle of the night because they didn't know what else they could do for him. Neither did I...so I walked the halls at the hospital. At two weeks, I joined in crying with him. I still remember very vividly crying because it had only been two weeks yet it felt more like two years. At six weeks, I spent the entire day in bed bouncing him and crying. I looked into foods that caused colic. EVERYTHING causes colic. I ate turkey on plain flour tortilla shells for 3 days and he finely quit crying. He slept the whole day and so did I. He was still fussy but much much better. I slowly added things back in and figured out that most dairy or creamy products with casein caused him to be more fussy. I was really careful of what I ate. GREATEST weight loss plan...I don't recommend it. Food became very boring and I started running to deal with the anxiety that the constant crying caused. I was constantly bouncing and moving because that is what calmed him.

I kept waiting for each milestone hoping that he would suddenly stop and we'd all be happy. He crawled quickly and started walking I mean running at 9 months and 3 days. He was miles ahead in his physical abilities but wasn't picking up speech at all. It was very frustrating to communicate with him. We'd both be crying by the time I figured out what he wanted and then he was too upset to want it anymore. At 2 years and 1 month, I had him tested by the school district and he tested at 2% in his expressive language. We worked with the school district but we were very fortunate to be able to take him to a private speech pathologist who did wonders for him.

I thought that preschool might be the answer and very helpful too. We'd had such a great experience with Brooklyn's preschool teacher that we put him into the class with the same teacher she had. He hated it. He hid in the car. He cried everyday. I know they hated it when I drove up. I pulled him out before the end of the second year.

Kindergarten started out good. He made it to the first parent teacher conference. The teacher raved about him. He was doing so great. The very next day he changed. She was shocked. She couldn't believe what was going on because she had told him how wonderful he was doing. She said that kids did so well when they heard that. He did the opposite. I'm not sure why even to this day what happened. I wonder if he thought that parent teacher conference was the end of the year and when he found out that it wasn't then it seemed insurmountable and he didn't know how to deal with it. After Christmas I started him on folcalin. I hated putting him on it. It gave me the worst feeling. Knowing that he'd have side effects like headaches and stomach aches made me sad but the more serious side effects scared me. He started to do better in school and with his homework. BUT he seemed sad and zombie-ish. I tried a dexadrine and he cried about everything like his sandwich wasn't cut right or his drink wasn't full enough. I still struggled with it the rest of the year and we finished kindergarten.

I didn't start him on the meds again in first grade. I just couldn't. His teacher has all boys of her own used to be a cop. She's fabulous!! I'd ask how he was doing and she'd say "He's a boy, they are more restless...don't worry." At Christmas time he became too inattentive, frigidity and wasn't progressing. I had to put him back on something. We started with adderall, which did seem to help with his schooling. He is completely up to grade level and on track to be ready for second grade. We went off track at the end of March which is when I became panicked, worried and willing to take any advice. (I must say that I am always willing for advice and help)

I continued to give him his meds during the week while off track and then gave him his breaks on the weekends. I don't usually continue meds while we are off track but I wanted to see if the transition going back on track would be easier. I do need to tell you that he doesn't sleep well with the meds. If I don't give him melatonin he won't fall asleep until midnight. One night he couldn't sleep at all. Every hour he'd ask if he could watch tv. He was calm and still but he couldn't fall asleep. At 5 am, he started seeing wasps flying over him. He was afraid they were going to sting him. Then the bugs were making him itch. I was panicking...aren't those withdrawal symptoms? Twice in a 10 day period just a day or so before this night he'd been having heart arrhythmia's. Irregularly fast beats with giant painful thumps every few seconds. They lasted only a few minutes. He wasn't being overly active at the time. He was getting out of the tub when the second one started.

I quit all his meds that night. I called his pediatrician and we decided to try a new drug "Intuniv." It's a blood pressure for adults. It's not a stimulant or a controlled substance. He also order a EKG and a portable heart monitor to wear in case he had another arrhythmia. Fortunately he hasn't had anymore. He did sleep around the clock for the first week and he seemed calmer and much happier. He has seemed much happier than I have ever seen him. I believe it's due to having adequate amounts of sleep. Now that he's back on track, he can't focus at school or at home with his homework. He can't sit still, can't look at the words long enough to read them. I feel like we are starting all over again. I don't want to put him back on stimulants. I don't feel good at all about it. WHAT SHOULD I DO???? What would you do?