I am spiraling down, down, down......you get the point. I have been looking forward to getting away for a camping trip during the Memorial weekend with my parents. We do this every year. It is such a fun way to start the summer. There is lots of people, lots of food and lots of fun. I need to get away this year. I need to do something different than what I do everyday. I need.....am I selfish or what.
Anyways, my parents are getting older and my dads mysterious illness has pretty much stopped him in his tracks. My mom has destroyed her shoulders caring for the patience at work. They get the basics done but anything beyond that they need help with.
My mom called me completely frustrated with the whole trip and was ready to cancel the whole thing. She has been asking my brother, who lives two houses down, to help her. He is too busy to return all the stuff he borrowed that she needs to pack. Like the propane tanks he is using for his BBQ. Kind of need those for the trailer. Meanwhile, she is babysitting his kids every day.
So, I rush off to help her. We gather all the propane tanks, load them into my dad's truck, get them filled, put them back into the trailers, haul all of the boxes of eating necessities into the trailers and walk away with man-dirty hands. Gross!!!
I am just so angry right now. At what? I have no idea but I am not pleasant to be around. Brian has been a saint. He has been around, not to close (who would want to be) but enough to be able to help out when I need it. He has been great to let me get out and run (my saving grace). I need (again all about me;) to disappear for a while. Phew....thanks for letting me vent. :S
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16 years ago
5 comments:
Oh Kim...Do you realize that we've known each other for over 7 years!?! I feel like we (meaning all the sisters in the neighborhood) have kind of "grown up" together. When we moved in, we all had little kids and we all "knew" how to raise them. Then...They decided to grow up, which in turn, forced all of us to "grow up" because we realized that we really don't know anything. Now, we're in a different stage - a middle stage. I find that I'm more forgiving, more understanding, much less judgemental than before.
I appreciate your honesty, and I hope you realize how many of us are "on your side." You are going through a lot right now and not very much of it makes sense. Like we talked about last week - there aren't a lot of answers. It is so easy to feel out of control.
Just know that you are loved and looked up to by so many people. I so admire your strength and willingness to put other people before yourself. It doesn't matter what you're going through in your own life, you always make me feel like you are so interested and concerned about me. Whether it's in the hall at church, or outside in the neighborhood - you always have a smile and ask me about my life. I think your influence of constant, quiet, loving service is felt by more people than you understand. Thank you for being you!
Emily..I am truly interested and concerned about you. You are incredible at everything you do. I love the way you are able to express yourself. I appreciate what you've been through and I am grateful that you were willing to share it with me. It really helped to know (unfortunately) that someone has been through the same trial and to see how gracefully you've worked through it. You along with Jen and Laura have been pillars of strength.
You are so right when you talk about the different stages we have all gone through raising our kids. I know I've been humbled and I'm extremely to thankful to have learned from you amazing ladies in the ward.
Thank you :-)
You can vent anytime you want to Kim! I completely understand about your brother. I have a sister that is the same way. (I hope she doesn't go blog hopping and see this!) My parents help her out soooo much and she is so selfish and doesn't help them out at all. I get so frustrated with it. Anyhow, I hope that you will be able to get away and get the break that you need. I have also been grouchy to be around lately. A few weeks ago Spence told me I needed to get out of the house. (He wasn't suttle about it either.) So I went to the temple. It helped me so much. I left feeling so much better. I have been struggling with some things lately too. The scripture from D&C 122:7 stuck out in my mind- when Joseph Smith was in Liberty Jail and the Lord said: "All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." So there has to be reason for what we go through, right?
Jackie...That is such a great scripture. I am posting positive notes and scriptures around my house so that I see them often. I'm going to include that one:) Thanks.
I appreciate the reminder to go to the temple. It is the best place to leave all of your troubles behind. Hopefully you were able to find a solution to your struggles. I know I have a new insight when I go. I've decided that I need a trip to the temple before my vacation. Thanks again!!
That's right, you just vent when ever you need to. Besides, that's what freinds are for. I'm here to listen, laugh, cry or whatever else you need a shoulder for.
No wonder your mom came to you. You are truly one of the most caring, generous people I know. You serve without complaint and when ever you see the need. Also, you can't stand to see injustice done or to see people taken advantage of. That's just another aspect of your generosity. Things were bound to get to you sooner or later.
You've been thorugh so much lately and things have been crazy. Think of venting as a form of therapy...and remember that you have friends who are happy to help! :)
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